THE FALSE COMMANDMENTS (Of People Pleasing)

Kenton Klassen

(beyondthepinestherapy.ca)

1. THOU SHALT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONE

2. THOU SHALT HAVE NO NEEDS

3. THY NEEDS ARE LESS IMPORTANT THAN OTHERS’ NEEDS

4. THOU SHALT NOT RECEIVE ANYTHING BEFORE SERVING OTHERS

5. THOU SHALT NOT BE ANGRY (SAD, CONFUSED ETC.)

6. THOU SHALT NOT SAY “NO”

7. THOU SHALT COMPLY BECAUSE OF FEAR/GUILT/SHAME

8. THOU SHALT PRETEND TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME

9. THOU SHALT LIVE BY REACTING TO OTHERS’ NEEDS, NOT PROACTIVELY BY THY OWN GOALS AND VALUES

10. THOU SHALT MAKE EXCUSES FOR OTHERS

11. THOU SHALT EQUATE FUSION/MERGER WITH INTIMACY

12. THOU SHALT FORGIVE QUICKLY

Take some time to ask yourself:

• “Have I internalized any of these false commandments?”

• “How has this influenced my relational habits, expectations, and behaviours?”

• “Is there an underlying fear or desire connected to this belief?”

• “How did this manner of relating serve me in my formative relationships?”

• “Is it serving me still?”

• “Is there a more balanced perspective worth integrating?”

(Adapted from a lecture by Dr. O’Donnell Day)

Originally published at https://www.beyondthepinestherapy.ca on February 18th, 2025.